Wednesday 17-03-2021 - 11:10

TW: Violence Against Women, Sexual Harassment, Mental Health, Racism

Sarah McAllister, Postgraduate Academic Officer, explains her personal response to Sarah Everard's death.

I have struggled to decide what I wanted to say, or if I even wanted to say anything as the last thing I wanted was this to come across as an excuse to write a political statement. Even when writing this I feel uneasy about what I am going to say. 

She has my name. She went to my college. She was only 10 years older.

I didn’t know Sarah Everard but I can’t deny that what has happened has deeply affected me as it has for so many others. 

Violence against women is in our news feeds daily. Whenever there is a similar story in the news, I always find myself reading the articles over and over again or staring at the photos of these women. Grieving over the lives that have been lost. Thinking how easily it could have been me. 

When I first saw the news about Sarah I had the same reaction – constantly refreshing the news to see if there was a glimmer of hope that for once it wasn’t what we all thought it was going to be. 
 
Yet, this time it felt differently for me. And I felt guilty about that. I couldn’t help thinking – am I only feeling this way because of the similarities between the two of us? But what does that say about this society, that as a woman, I felt that I shouldn’t feel this grief, anger and frustration? 

The similarities between the two of us are certainly part of why this time it felt different, but there was so much more. The conversations around what has happened has highlighted so many problems in the society we live in. None of this is new. But all of it coming together is all consuming and exhausting. 

I have found myself crying while lying in bed, after meetings or just scrolling through twitter. I have found myself thinking about all the times I have been harassed but not said anything or just brushed it off because ‘that’s just what it's like to be a woman’. I have found myself thinking about the different ways that my male friends act, how they can go on a walk in the evening or go to do a food shop when it’s dark when I wouldn’t leave the house by myself. I have found myself thinking about Sarah Everard, what her life was like and what was taken from her. 

There have been many things said over the last week that continue to revolve in my mind, however one of them that stands out is ‘Would there have been such a national outcry if Sarah had been a woman of colour?’ I think the answer here is obvious – no. I would also like to remember the lives of Blessing Olusegun, Karen Cleary and Joy Morgan who have also lost their lives, along with so many others. 

The last week has been traumatic for every woman. All of this is overwhelming. Not because this is new. But because it never seems to change. Women deserve to be able to walk home and be safe. Women of colour shouldn’t have to deal with systemic racism. Trans women are women and shouldn’t be told their experiences aren’t real. 

I don’t want to end this in such a defeatist tone, but if you feel like this I want you to know that is a valid way to feel. However, after all of this I won’t be silenced. I will not stop talking about how women are treated. I will not stop calling out misogyny. I will not stop telling anyone who will hear me to stop blaming women. 

As we said in the Officers’ statement:

Telling women to stay at home...
Telling women to wear different clothing...
Telling women to not go out in the dark...
Telling women to walk a different route...

...does not protect women.

 

If you have been affected by recent events and would like to reach out to seek support, here are some options:

• Speak to your college support staff https://www.dur.ac.uk/colleges.se.division/local/studentsupportdirect/college.contacts/
• Speak to your college Welfare teams who provide peer support
• Self-refer to the University’s Counselling Service https://www.dur.ac.uk/counselling.service/
• Reach out to Nightline, a peer led confidential listening service https://durhamnightline.com/
• Reach out to other listening services such as Samaritans or SHOUT https://www.samaritans.org/                         https://giveusashout.org/
• If you would like to report an incident of bullying, harassment or abuse, you can use the University’s Report and Support Tool         https://reportandsupport.durham.ac.uk/
• Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling Centre https://www.rsacc-thecentre.org.uk/downloads/ 
• The Meadows Sexual Assault Referral Centre http://www.themeadowsdurham.org.uk/ 
• Angelou Centre (Support for black, minority and migrant survivors of domestic and sexual violence): https://angelou-centre.org.uk/
• Galop LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline (Weekdays 10am-5pm): 08009995428
• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Open 24/7): 08082000247
• University Chaplains https://www.dur.ac.uk/faithsupport/chaplains/